


Last Night At Jawgrim's

by Mauser_Frau



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Early Children of the Vault, Gen, Gore, Heavy Drinking, Unreliable Narrator, bar bets, ill-advised wagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:13:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26984206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mauser_Frau/pseuds/Mauser_Frau
Summary: I remember— it was really a pretty sunset that night.  It was truly a sight to see.  You know, that night.  The last time I went down to Jawgrim’s for some bathtub tequila.You’re saying holy people don’t drink.  But ah, you’re wrong.  We all drink onthat planet.In which a hustler in a no-name town makes a wager with a stranger who smells rather peculiar.
Kudos: 1
Collections: Grimeverse





	Last Night At Jawgrim's

I remember— it was really a pretty sunset that night. It was truly a sight to see. You know, that night. The last time I went down to Jawgrim’s for some bathtub tequila. 

You’re saying holy people don’t drink. But ah, you’re wrong. We all drink on  _ that planet _ . 

I got chest up to the bar. Jawgrim kept it awful high, but he was a big man. Yes, I’m sure it wasn’t Grimjaw. Yes, big in every dimension, but he wore his old bandit mask off to the side of his head like a Promethean girl at a summer festival. 

I was trying to catch his eye, but he didn’t see so good. Hazard of drinking too much of his own moonshine.

I figured he’d come around sooner or later. Anyway, he had Trash Fire and her boys to water, the cobbler from down in the gulch. A couple Hyperion types who wandered in. The usual raff and riff. Actually, Riff wasn’t around… 

Only realized Deupree showed up ‘cause he let in a gust. He had a knack for that and swagger and conning ladypersons out of tables. Wasn’t any need that night. He put his feet and his pack up, pack half-open, just daring somebody to go looking inside. Yeah, I know that’s part of What’s In The Box.

But by then I’d got a drink and Trash Fire was on it. I’d say lit, but I mean, Trash Fire… 

I tried to make it last. Great stuff. Made your ears ring or your nose run depending on the batch. I miss it. I was missing it that night while I still had a glass and the air still smelled like air instead of whiskey puke. 

So of course you know the next gust, it’s all sweet and chemical. Thought somebody busted a slag rifle over somebody else’s head outside. That would have explained it. But I’ve still never smelled anything like her.

Wasn’t unusual to see strangers at Jawgrim’s. Only bar in town. Wasn’t unusual he acted like they weren’t there. No point if they didn’t know him. Wouldn’t tip.

So this woman, she’s got a scarecrow with her. I’m mean, I was looking at this guy… I guess it was a guy… nobody asked. Nobody ever asks on  _ that planet _ . Looking at him I got so stuck on autumn, pumpkin for supper and getting scratched to bits in a field of maize like back on Halcyon 1. 

The fan ratcheted around. I got another whiff of her. Stared into my glass after, trying to figure just what was in the ice that night.

The scarecrow slid in beside me. He flashed he wanted two fingers for two people and Jawgrim gave it to him right up. 

I remember, he drank before the woman. She made a face when she did. I mean, more of a face. Shoved her pour back at him after one sip. Him now, he drank it like it was water. Left the glasses on the windowsill too.

Anyway, the woman, she got over to Deupree and she sat with him. I thought maybe he’d turned over a new skull plate. Don’t start, I was  _ there _ for too long. I thought:  _ good for him _ . 

But he looked out from under his hat. Could see it in his eyes— he didn’t know this woman, but he smelled her like I did.

“Well, hey little lady,” he said, all smooth. “Do you know what tonight is?”

And she said back, “What’s it matter to me what night it is?” That was a new one.

No, that part I  _ don’t _ remember. I was a holy person on  _ that planet _ . I couldn’t have told you what two times four was half the time. 

Now, it took him about two seconds, but they were the longest two seconds anybody ever spent at Jawgrim’s, I’m sure. Deupree came around though. He smiled, gold canine winking out of his mouth. “How about I make it matter?”

“You can try, I guess. But I’m pretty good at What’s In The Box.” I couldn’t see the look she gave him. She’d swung around the side of the table so it was just him and the scarecrow got any view.

Now, the thing I forgot to mention about Deupree was that he used to be a chemical engineer. His bar bet box would have been the stuff of legends anyplace else. But on  _ that planet _ , he was small time.

Should have known there was something funny about her ‘sides the smell. Why’d she care so much about a hustler in a no-name town? Why’d she say, “What’s the bet?”

“Hundred.”

“Cheap.”

“Well, what’s rich then, if you wanna play that way?”

“I dunno. You?”

“Me?”

“Bet me your soul. I always wanted to try that.” She made this movement, tugging on her sleeves, like wrapping the idea around her. And I think she raised Deupree the scarecrow once he finished laughing, but Trash Fire threw a cherry at me and said this was my job and I’d better referee.

I shook my glass at Jawgrim and I went over. Deupree and the woman nodded. 

She had blue eyes. Parts of them seemed red. Not like a white cat’s. Like they just were red sometimes. Just ‘cause.

Now, Deupree’s box was black, and the finger slits, they leaked shadows. I don’t know how he did it, but I wouldn’t put my hand near the thing. Nasty looking business even if the effect was just carbon and crossed fingers. 

No, I didn’t think it was unholy. I know unholy when I see it. Or, I did at some point. Look, it’s complicated.

The woman reached towards the box. She touched the tip of her pinky to the shadows crawling on the outside. Then she pressed it back to her mouth, tasting with all of her tongue. How she smiled, all hungry and certain. Her attention locked on Deupree as she reached into her coat.

“It’s a sheep’s eye like this.”

One splattered on the table. It sat there, staring up.

So this woman had been walking around with an eyeball in her pocket. That’s what I’m saying.

Deupree gave it a hell of a look. His laugh, that came out hollow. Still did manage to laugh, but still. He slid the first compartment open and dumped out the eye. His was all discolored from whatever he’d used to pickle it. “I’d say that’s cheating.”

I didn’t have any plans to allow it, until he got to his but.

“...but I can feel the love in your efforts. OK then. One of the compartments tonight is new and you can’t guess it even if you  _ are _ a fangirl of mine. The other? Nobody’s guessed that ever. Not in seven years.”

The woman looked on. Her smell and her satisfaction got all fierce-like. People were taking their own bets in the back now, Jawgrim pouring as fast as his chipped mason jars would let him. She put her hand— yes, her whole hand —in the furthest compartment. She didn’t once take her eyes off of Deupree, but she reached behind herself, gesturing to the scarecrow.

He came to her, both their glasses in one hand. One he tipped into the opposite palm and it clanked. No, I don’t remember what he smelled like. Never got that close to him. Anyway, he shook the two together, whispered some gibberish and held the bottom one out to the woman.

The contents splattered on the table when she dropped it. “Unlaid vinegar pigeon eggs. You could have just peeled some grapes.”

“Ah, but grapes are awful hard to get here.”

Vinegar pigeon eggs? Oh, people on  _ that planet _ ate them with the local meat. Made it taste less bad by comparison. 

I went to call it again. 

Deupree gestured slitting his throat. I guessed he meant shut up. ‘sides Jawgrim shoved another glass in my hand. My last drink there. Soapy and familiar. Made my eyes swim and my guts stammer hard as Trash Fire’s laughter.

“Last round,” said the woman. Her concentration broke for half an instant. She told the scarecrow, “Oh, nice knowing you.”

He pretended to weep.

No, I didn’t notice he hadn’t said words, but… You’ll see. Hang on.

Picture her, reaching into the center slot, her whole hand again. Some thoughtfulness got on her lips this time. She closed her blue eyes. The bar buzzed and chirped and hiccupped.

Her fingers when she pulled them out were stained with dark, old blood.

She hummed. I fought to get Deupree to look at me. He stayed all eyes for her.

As she said: “This is the heart of a boy named Eucariah. He died a long, long time ago in a valley on the other side of the planet. Mama said not to go out after dark. Oh no, he did anyway. He could hear the bandits singing. He had to do it. He had to not listen to Mama and wasn’t that sad? Wasn’t that the hardest thing ever? Listening to somebody else. Hell, he didn’t even listen when they tried to do his autopsy. It took the town doc an hour to cut open that thick skull of his and then there was nothing inside.”

She dropped one more thing on the table. A metal toe tag. The kind like they used at the old Dahl camps ‘cause the only paper they had rotted in the heat.

Deupree said nothing.

The bar, we were laughing, you know. She was bullshitting so hard.

She just had to be.

Deupree said nothing. He wasn’t even breathing. He could not look away from her. Not even as the scarecrow loomed over him and placed a hand on his back.

“Well,” said the woman. “Say your prayers or…”

“Or what!” he cried. His voice cracked so hard.

“Get out. Get out of town. We don’t want you here.”

We? Who was we? I wondered half this damned awful second.

Deupree turned the table over as he bolted. Glass and guts spilled everywhere.

And the woman, she reached out to me. I guess she wanted to wipe her hand on my cassock. I flinched. One terrible moment I met her eyes myself, but she turned to the scarecrow and she shrugged. “I guess we should catch him before he hurts his little self. Or not. As long as he’s gone.”

The scarecrow shook his head. He pulled her to her feet even though her hand was still filthy. He showed her out, all formal and bowing.

For the rest of us, he said “Peace!” and slammed the door and went laughing out of Jawgrim’s. Everybody behind him? Quiet as a graveyard by that point. Everybody except for me. 

I remember, I ran outside after them. Why? Dumb curiosity, I guess. I was the only one after all. 

Maybe it was the bathtub tequila or maybe it was that too pretty sunset or maybe, God damn them, it was real, but the streets of that town? All full of gusts and ghouls. Not even sure half of them were people before they died,  _ warped _ as they looked, but they were definitely dead, smiling through their skulls in the dusk. The woman walked down the line of them and they chattered, all of them, their teeth and their ribs shaking, body slime dripping from the old ones. I heard them say mother; mother  _ something _ .

You know, I heard her name, but my brain won’t let me remember it. Know it’s in there.

But I couldn’t. I can’t. I didn’t look away. I stood there crossing myself as the streets swelled with dead.

I don’t know what snapped. One touched me. Or something. Anyway, it was by the grace of God I ran.

I ran all the way back to my room in the back of the whorehouse. I grabbed my things and I left that place— that town,  _ that planet _ , that galaxy. I’ve had no drink since. OK, except for what I needed to ween myself off of the stuff. And this glass with you. I’m sorry, I’ve got no taste for real tequila. 

I still smell her, sometimes in the autumn. Smell that woman.

I smell her and I pray.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Written for KingCharon's Bordertober 2020. Inspired by my long-standing fear of "Halloween Is Grinch Night". I thought this might get rid of it. Ah, no. It seems worse now that ever.
> 
> Happy Early Halloween Just The Same!


End file.
